“rode my bike until the pedal fell off today (almost immediately, not that good at putting a bike together)”
“screaming into the postbox, just popping that right in the post for you”
“and now everything is worse”
“house full of dead tulips”
“in a way haven't we all been wearing masks this whole ti-”
“when we get out of here everybody's going to be so bad at hanging out. gonna be at a party where nobody knows how to stand cause they're only used to socialising from the chest up.”
“daddy what did you do in the covid war, son i worked on user retention”
“i apologise for my repetitive, faulty, and annoying tweets today but also every day”
“ok here’s the next round of the quiz and you’re all gonna fuckin hate it”
“my cat is going to murder me in the night one day and i love her for it”
“python is a language for nasty weirdos”
“lost my bike so ran to chat with the deer”
“april's playlist closed for business”
“in a lot of ways we are all google meat”
“bought a laser pointer for the cat to confirm that she is really stupid”
“all out herbs have grown except the thyme. makes u think”
“brain runs out of yesyes juice within 1 day if i dont run around or lift”
“every morning in lockdown i come downstairs singing a beautiful day in”
“i will roast and eat cauliflower until i am successful”